Fruit... Rhapsody? Really?

Yesterday morning, on my way back home from working out, I had to stop at the Mac's mart to pick up some juice boxes for the kids lunches. I found the juice boxes on the bottom shelf, dusted them off, and brought them home. These juice boxes, from some brand I cannot for the life of me remember, had written on the front, in large letters "Fruit Rhapsody". Fruit RHAPSODY? Really? Does that seem over the top to anyone? Anyone? What the hell kind of world do we live in? Rhapsody is defined as: "An expression of extravagant praise or ecstasy." (I would include a reference here but I got the definition from some electronic device that a colleague down the hall forced on me when I asked to borrow a dictionary).
Who knew that just around the corner from my house was a secret store of the best juice ever known to humankind... ever? This caused me to have two thoughts (hello numbered list!):
1) There is some frustrated English Lit major working for that company who wants to bring some poetry back into his/her life
2) I think it's time we started calling out the companies that market products in such a manner. Like, am I really going to experience an orgasm from washing my hair? Am I going to be empowered by using deodorant? COME ON!!
That being said, I briefly considered naming the band "Fruit Rhapsody", but ultimately discarded it.
One final point before signing up. Has anyone heard about this new movie: Rudo Y Cursi? It's the two guys from Y Tu Mama Tambien, together again in a movie about... two brothers who are soccer players. Sounds like there is a little something for everyone. We should have an Esmonde movie outing to go see this movie. Here are a couple of trailers:
Here and Here

The Band Needs Your Help...

So, what does this picture have to do with my blog? Absolutely nothing. However, I'm sure Katie will like it. Short blog today... despite the fact that I am now in non-contact time, I seem to be really busy. First, our band has decided that we need a new name... our band was most recently named "The Red Carpet Garage". We have lost two members since then and have added a new one (our new guitarist, Jordan). So, please, suggestions. I think the name should have some meaning... like, something reformed, or transformed (the transformers is taken, though it was an early suggestion). Science geeks, I'm looking at you to come up with some cool scientific term that means something relevant- Whammy, your science blog was an inspiration.
I am really intrigued by the ideas being generated by my fellow novellers. Seems like funerals are a recurring theme, and who can blame us? Funerals are a creative GOLDMINE. I will have some more insights tomorrow... consider yourselves warned.

Jack Bauer Enters the Fray

I will bow to the pressure and create a numbered list, since it seems like the thing to do. Here are some of the things my novel will include:
1. A character modelled after Jack Bauer. Well, maybe he will really just look sort of like Jack Bauer. There may or may not be a scene where the Jack Bauer character urinates on his sock and puts it over his mouth to counteract a deadly nerve gas, only to find out that it is a false alarm. What does this have to do with funerals? Absolutely nothing... yet.
2. A very short time frame. My novel will take place over a period of only a day or two.
3. A limited number of different settings. The majority of the novel will take place in the funeral home (a large, multi-plex type funeral home, where many funerals can occur at a time- which as I'm sure you'll agree, adds so much potential for hilarity). The other place where action will take place is... wait for it... Jackie's Place. A pub located conveniently next to the funeral home.
4. Flashbacks. As with my rookie effort, the back story will be revealed over the course of the novel.
5. A doped up mother, as appears in "the Covenant". She will be the one sniffing the glue that holds the family together.
6. At least one character modelled after Tim Riggins. Why? Because he is my inspiration, my muse.
That's all I can think of... for now.

Why the Capitals Are Sh*tting The Bed

I think this picture speaks for itself. Please note the condition of Ovechkin on the far left, and since when is Markov the biggest douchebag in the history of the world (besides Sean Avery, but that's another story for another time)? Seriously, all Markov needs to complete his look is a two pink polo shirts layered, with two popped collars. Maybe he had those on earlier in the night, and they are discarded and off screen. Perhaps he is holding those shirts in the hand that is just off screen, in much the same way as Jackie continually holds daggers in her hands outside of photos. Who's to say?
So you are probably wondering what this has to do with my novel... well, absolutely nothing. I just thought it was funny. Perhaps there will be a funeral in my novel attended by drunken NHL players and strippers (hockey pros and stripper hos?)... but probably not. But I will tell you , my dear followers, that there will be an inclusion of that timeless classic poem "The Dash", as well as a funeral whereby the minister is dressed as Elvis (based on real events).

Credit Where Credit is Due, and Exploding Uteri? Uteruses? What is the Plural of Uterus?

I need to give credit to Sarah Duda for yesterday's photo, it was a photo she took of me at Hemingway's in Toronto, which as you all know served as the inspiration for Jackie's Place in my novel. Ahhh... I miss Jackie's Place, they always played the best music. But I digress, I just want to give a shout out to Sarah for taking that photo, and also this one.
Now onto the business of exploding uteruses (?). I posted a comment yesterday in response to Katie's militant feminist post. I don't think anyone read it. Well, actually, I just checked, and one person did. Hugh. In any case, here is the comment in its entirety:
Well, it looks like being pretty isn't the only thing we women need to worry about. Apparently we also have to worry about being excluded from participating in sports on the basis that our uteruses might explode. Yes, you read that correctly. Just read an article about how women are not allowed to participate in ski jumping in the Olympics (but men are) on the basis that their bodies cannot withstand the impact. Here is a quote "one official... warned their uterus might burst and another who worried that their spines could break on impact with the ground". Please note, women are also not allowed to participate in boxing (in the Olympics). I wonder what the argument is there, their pretty faces might explode?"
I would just like to add that our uteruses have a pretty sketchy history in medical science. Hysteria (a term no longer used) used to be attributed to "a wandering uterus"... yeah, a uterus that would just up and float around the body. Damn, I guess that would make me hysterical, too.

NaNoWriMo 2009 B*tches!

Okay, My blog is so titled because for some reason, the only person who sees fit to tell me about their blogs is SCOTT!!! Katie, I received 0.0 notification about your blog, and indigo, I received even less notification about yours. But don't worry, I'll forgive this oversight and move on like the mature adult that I am.

I finished my marking yesterday, and I am ready, oh so ready, for long days, warm nights, some silver bullets, and some novelling. As most of you already know, my novel this year will be tackling the hilarious and lighthearted themes of death and grieving. I got this idea from Katie, who reminded me that there are few things more interesting than dysfunctional families at funerals. So what I am looking for from you, dear readers, are stories about funerals. Funny ones, sad ones, strange ones, whatever, because I am looking for ideas for this year's novel. I am planning on elevating the subthemes a bit, from personality and its relationship to beer choice (although this will definitely be a BIG part of the novel), and characters named after soft drinks (although Tab will likely make a reappearance). Actually, who am I kidding? Those are the major themes of everything that I write, including, but not limited to screenplays, novels, and conference presentations.

In response to the ongoing discussion about the Habs/Bruins, I'm with Katie. I hate the Bruins, I hate Lucic, I hate their fans, I hate their logo, I hate everything they stand for. Period. The End.